Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize