11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
