If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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