You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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