I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
