I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
