it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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