I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
