This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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