you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
