Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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