You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
