At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
