I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
