this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
