I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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