The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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