We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
