This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ugly people sure do ruin things
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
