Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Small penises have feelings too.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize