That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
