You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
