and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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