I think I can smell my own vagina right now
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
