A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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