it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
