I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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