Kiss
Puke
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
