So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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