My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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