Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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