so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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