..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Actions speak louder than pants.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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