Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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