I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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