She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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