And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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