her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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