You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
