so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
