she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
