You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize