i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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