I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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