I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
