dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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