i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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