I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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