So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
