dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
