Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
