i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you will always have a special place in my vag
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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