You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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