I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
