didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
