that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You may now shotgun with the bride
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
