we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
