i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
