dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
