Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
