I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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