how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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