thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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