rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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