The maid of honor just puked.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
