i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
