Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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